I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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