'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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