I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
