Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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