Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
