So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
