Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
