How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
