he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I know her cup size but not her name....
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