i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
