you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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