get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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