Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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