I wannas sexs uuuuu
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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