I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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