The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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