You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
