New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
