Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
