Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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