please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
