is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
