I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
