I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have feelings that need drinking.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
