I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
