found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
