But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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