Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
