on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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