so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize