Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
