He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
