Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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