the condom got lost in my hair
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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