can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
A+ Viking dick
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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