After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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