he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
