How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
