I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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