I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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