no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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