Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
