just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
