Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
