Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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