i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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