I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
