Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
should my penis look like a turkey
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
