Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
