Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
