he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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