My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
