I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
