he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
