so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize