this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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