my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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