We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
