He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
