i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize