Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Randomize
