I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
