I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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