Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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