idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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