is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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