I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
