Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
