he wants to bone in the snuggie
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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