dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
