I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
