I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
