I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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