It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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