I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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