So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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