glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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