I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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