Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
