this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
