billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
