I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
