I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
