she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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